I had a thousand and one things to do before the surgery. So of course what I spent my time on was stuff like making sure I'd dropped off my film, and cleaning the carpets and surfing the web. But there was one thng I'm glad I spent the time on. I grabbed a stack of Mags' books and spent a few hours one day reading them all into Husband's digital voice recorder (geek.) That way after teh surgery I could still sit Mags on my lap, we could listen to the recordings together, and we could still effectively have book time every night, just like normal.
I got about 20 books done - not quite as many as I'd hoped - and never did get them uploaded to the computer to be burned to disks. I never did get the stickers on the book spines so Mags would know which books I had recorded. The loaner boom box I got must've been circe 1990; it was nearly the size of a child's riding toy. The new recliner was a bit of a squeeze for anything more than me and my pillow. And sometime between me going to the hospital and returning, the voice recorder got lost.
But the other day, after nearly two weeks, the recorder turned up. My kid and I figured out which books were recorded, even without the stickers. The recliner ended up being big enough for the both of us. Mags held the recorder as I held her and together we listened to a handful of her favorite stories.
(happy sigh)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Yawns - Both Technicolor and Not
Story #1: Not
So I'm still sleepy a lot blah blah sleep all the time blah blah never awake blah blah. I'm starting to think the OxyMoron they've got me taking is doing more harm than good in the sleep department. Been having crazy dreams, and nightmares too. Plus this chair is not exactly designed for sleeping in -- at least not for a week and a half straight. Anyhow, I've found myself yawning a lot these past few days. And subsequently, in a lot of pain from yawning. No way is my jaw going to open into a full blown yawn, nor are my lips ready to be stretched over said jaws.
So for the forseable future, I will be continuing to perfect my patented "Stifle Yawn". when you feel a yawn coming on, fight it. I know the urge to let your mouth go as far as you can is very tempting and would feel oh-so-satisfying (really, they've taken away all food with texture, leave me something!) but trust me when I tell you to fight it. Your jaw will tremble, but if you really open it, you'll be met with some really incredible pain and your yawn wiull be cut short anyhow, so don;t even bother. Next, direct all of that air out of your nostrils. True, they're not really made to accomidate that volume of air that quickly, but it ain't gonna come out your mouth. Flare those nostrils! Flare! Flare, I say!
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Story #2: Technicolor
"So that was Husband on the phone."
"Mmpff."
"He says Mags just threw up at their play date and he's going to bring her home."
"Mmpff?!?"
"Unless you think he should take her over to Joj's house; he doesn't want you to catch this."
"Mmpff......."
What to do? Four days out of the hospital. True, no bands right now, but I sure as shit don't want to be throwing up with an effectively broken jaw. But Joj can't really afford to catch it either, and well, I don't want to have to shun my little girl after having been gone nearly a week and when she's feeling poorly. I grabbed the whiteboard. Tell him to bring her home.
I hope I'm not going to regret letting Mags share my straw yesterday.....
There's a noise. I look around the black living room, but it doesn't seem to be coming from nearby. There it is again. From upstairs. Retching. I feel my way down the familiar dark hallway and up the stairs to the bathroom. Must get to daughter. Except its not.
(groaning)
"Mmpff?"
"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you." Its my mother in law, losing what sounds like her whole weeks worth of meals into the toilet.
"Mmpff mmpff?" Can I get you anything?
"No, I'll be fine. Just need to get it out of my system is all..."
Poor Husband. He went from having to help with one mostly sleeping patient to three females all laid up. Oh, and his computer totally dying in the night. And a double fender bender while driving me to the doctor's the following morning. Poor Husband.
Now where's my soup?
So I'm still sleepy a lot blah blah sleep all the time blah blah never awake blah blah. I'm starting to think the OxyMoron they've got me taking is doing more harm than good in the sleep department. Been having crazy dreams, and nightmares too. Plus this chair is not exactly designed for sleeping in -- at least not for a week and a half straight. Anyhow, I've found myself yawning a lot these past few days. And subsequently, in a lot of pain from yawning. No way is my jaw going to open into a full blown yawn, nor are my lips ready to be stretched over said jaws.
So for the forseable future, I will be continuing to perfect my patented "Stifle Yawn". when you feel a yawn coming on, fight it. I know the urge to let your mouth go as far as you can is very tempting and would feel oh-so-satisfying (really, they've taken away all food with texture, leave me something!) but trust me when I tell you to fight it. Your jaw will tremble, but if you really open it, you'll be met with some really incredible pain and your yawn wiull be cut short anyhow, so don;t even bother. Next, direct all of that air out of your nostrils. True, they're not really made to accomidate that volume of air that quickly, but it ain't gonna come out your mouth. Flare those nostrils! Flare! Flare, I say!
******************************************************************************************
Story #2: Technicolor
"So that was Husband on the phone."
"Mmpff."
"He says Mags just threw up at their play date and he's going to bring her home."
"Mmpff?!?"
"Unless you think he should take her over to Joj's house; he doesn't want you to catch this."
"Mmpff......."
What to do? Four days out of the hospital. True, no bands right now, but I sure as shit don't want to be throwing up with an effectively broken jaw. But Joj can't really afford to catch it either, and well, I don't want to have to shun my little girl after having been gone nearly a week and when she's feeling poorly. I grabbed the whiteboard. Tell him to bring her home.
I hope I'm not going to regret letting Mags share my straw yesterday.....
There's a noise. I look around the black living room, but it doesn't seem to be coming from nearby. There it is again. From upstairs. Retching. I feel my way down the familiar dark hallway and up the stairs to the bathroom. Must get to daughter. Except its not.
(groaning)
"Mmpff?"
"Oh, I'm sorry I woke you." Its my mother in law, losing what sounds like her whole weeks worth of meals into the toilet.
"Mmpff mmpff?" Can I get you anything?
"No, I'll be fine. Just need to get it out of my system is all..."
Poor Husband. He went from having to help with one mostly sleeping patient to three females all laid up. Oh, and his computer totally dying in the night. And a double fender bender while driving me to the doctor's the following morning. Poor Husband.
Now where's my soup?
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Oh Hell, Who am I Kidding?
Really, I'm not going to be able to adequately to re-live every minute from the surgery onward. I truly didn't think I'd sleep as much as I have, plus I thought I'd have a laptop much sooner than I did. Sadly, that translates into some details being lost. But I don't want to totally give up, so here's what I'm gonna do: yesterday I sent out an update to some friends and family, and I'm gonna paste that in here for now. Then, I'll try and and actually make real time posts from here on out, and all will not be lost. Ta daa! I'm smart....sometimes.
********************************************************************************************
Thanks to everyone who has checked in with me recently to see how I am faring. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by how much I have been sleeping post surgery, and I'm not complaining, but I just can't seem to stay awake for any length of time, and have fallen behind on my updates.
Overall, things are going very smoothly here. I left the hospital right on schedule Thursday morning following the surgery. I'd had a brief bout with a fever and some bad congestion/crazy sore throat in the hospital, but other than that, all went well. The surgeons called the whole thing a success. My jaw got moved 12mm, which is a bit more than they were expecting. By the night of the surgery I could already tell how much easier it was to breathe. And I must say I'm a little irritated that all of you readers have been keeping this secret for so long. *That's* what its like to breathe easily? Sign me up.
Max's mom came out for the first week following surgery, and she was wildly helpful (as have been my friends Jo and Eric and Max himself.) As I'm on a liquid diet (le sigh,) we tried many new soup recipes in our fancy new blender. I have to eat either through a special medical syringe or these odd little feed bags with straws built in. At best I can only open my mouth about 1/4", and just this past Thursday the doctors had to put the (rubber) bands back on my braces, so even that is gone. At least I got to shove some of Mags' halloween M&Ms in there before they banded me back shut (they really *do* melt in your mouth!) The all liquid diet is starting to get old for sure. Have already tried blenderizing pizza (so far unsuccessful) and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (not terrible, but a nighmare to clean out of my mouth.) Thanksgiving will truly be an interesting exercise in blender cuisine - I'm getting pumpkin pie even if it ends up being intravenously!
The pain has really gone down, which I am of course grateful for. I was sent home with a bottle of Oxycontin which got pretty heavy use initially, but that's down to only once or twice a day now. Mostly the sensation I have is a throbbing ache in my jaw that the meds don't do a ton for. There's a tight sensation across my teeth from the braces as well. My heart goes out to folks who have to wear them for any extended period of time. Mine should come off in about a month (outpatient surgery.)
Immediatelly following the surgery I could feel my tongue and upper lip, but my lower lip and chin are still completely without feeling. The hope is that I will eventually regain all of that, but no guarantees. Let's just say I drool a lot and often walk around with lunch still on my face. Recently I've started to get odd shooting sensations across my chin, which signal the nerves are starting to come back on line. Its not exactly painful, but it is distracting and definitely holds your attention. I will be trying some acupuncture to try and get those nerves back on line.
The swelling has gone way, way down since the surgery, and I was lucky in that I also had very little bruising. That will continue to go down, and I'm told it should drop off significantly once the braces are off (the special surgical braces also go into your gums, and are therefore a foreign body.) The skin across my nose, lips and chin has been stretched out from the forward movement of the bones, and are still adjusting. I woke up with an acne moustache yesterday that I am less than thrilled about. And yes, my looks have definitely changed. I'm trying to hold out until the swelling and numbness are gone to completely get the finished look, but its hard. My nose has gotten wider (expected) and my chin is definitely more forward. I'll admit *I* feel a little more 'Planet of the Apes' than I'd like, but those who have seen me assure me I look fine. Like I said, waiting for the swelling to go down.
So yes, my days are filled with sleeping, drinking fliuds and 'eating'. Mostly sleeping though. Sleep filled with crazy technicolor dreams, and some vivid nightmares too. I sleep in the living room in my $15 recliner purchased especially for post surgical recovery (I have to sleep elevated.) Got my blankets and water bottles and remote and kleenex all close at hand. Have already polished off the entire two season set of 'Rome' as well as all of Season 3 of 'Weeds' to date (I have to watch things that aren't too funny or my face splits apart and I am in fierce pain.) Finally got my hands on a loaner laptop to entertain myself with as well (when I am not sleeping. Have I mentionned how much I sleep?)
I can kind of talk, although now that the bands are back in, I kind of don't bother. It was better without them, although I'd tire my jaw out quickly and make everything hurt. The braces also tended to rip up the inside of my lips pretty badly too, although I've since gotten dental wax to cover the sharp bits. It works pretty well, but pieces sometimes break/melt off while eating and then float around in my mouth, eluding capture. Then I start to imagine pieces of my skin have fallen off and are floating around in there and I get grossed out. Soup, anyone?
I'm also very happy to report that Mags appears to be taking all of this in great stride. She hasn't even so much as blinked since I've come home from the hospital, for which I am very grateful. We tried to prrepare her as best we could before the procedure, and it appears to have paid off. She is always very gentle around me, and constantly comes up to give me hugs and kisses. Mostly it makes her laugh to hear me try and talk. One of her new favorite games is to have me read so she can laugh when I stumble across the letter b,p,f,m,v or w. She even tried to take me into school so I could talk in front of the kids and she could show them how silly I sound. She eyeballed it oddly at first, but now Mags argues about who's turn it is to eat/drink out of the feeding syringe. That's my girl.
I've still got a very long road ahead of me. Frustration has already started to rear its head in a few ways: eating, tiring easily, adjusting to my new look, loneliness/boredom. I'm not a terribly patient patient. And hoping everything continues to go smoothly, it still may be a full year before I can completely open my mouth fully and chew normal foods again. But I'm trying to look at this as an oportunity for positive thinking, plus its *very* easy to be grateful every time I take a nice deep unrestricted breath.
So thanks to everyone for checking in and your warm wishes, and hopefully I'll be mumbling to you all again soon. :)
********************************************************************************************
Thanks to everyone who has checked in with me recently to see how I am faring. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by how much I have been sleeping post surgery, and I'm not complaining, but I just can't seem to stay awake for any length of time, and have fallen behind on my updates.
Overall, things are going very smoothly here. I left the hospital right on schedule Thursday morning following the surgery. I'd had a brief bout with a fever and some bad congestion/crazy sore throat in the hospital, but other than that, all went well. The surgeons called the whole thing a success. My jaw got moved 12mm, which is a bit more than they were expecting. By the night of the surgery I could already tell how much easier it was to breathe. And I must say I'm a little irritated that all of you readers have been keeping this secret for so long. *That's* what its like to breathe easily? Sign me up.
Max's mom came out for the first week following surgery, and she was wildly helpful (as have been my friends Jo and Eric and Max himself.) As I'm on a liquid diet (le sigh,) we tried many new soup recipes in our fancy new blender. I have to eat either through a special medical syringe or these odd little feed bags with straws built in. At best I can only open my mouth about 1/4", and just this past Thursday the doctors had to put the (rubber) bands back on my braces, so even that is gone. At least I got to shove some of Mags' halloween M&Ms in there before they banded me back shut (they really *do* melt in your mouth!) The all liquid diet is starting to get old for sure. Have already tried blenderizing pizza (so far unsuccessful) and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (not terrible, but a nighmare to clean out of my mouth.) Thanksgiving will truly be an interesting exercise in blender cuisine - I'm getting pumpkin pie even if it ends up being intravenously!
The pain has really gone down, which I am of course grateful for. I was sent home with a bottle of Oxycontin which got pretty heavy use initially, but that's down to only once or twice a day now. Mostly the sensation I have is a throbbing ache in my jaw that the meds don't do a ton for. There's a tight sensation across my teeth from the braces as well. My heart goes out to folks who have to wear them for any extended period of time. Mine should come off in about a month (outpatient surgery.)
Immediatelly following the surgery I could feel my tongue and upper lip, but my lower lip and chin are still completely without feeling. The hope is that I will eventually regain all of that, but no guarantees. Let's just say I drool a lot and often walk around with lunch still on my face. Recently I've started to get odd shooting sensations across my chin, which signal the nerves are starting to come back on line. Its not exactly painful, but it is distracting and definitely holds your attention. I will be trying some acupuncture to try and get those nerves back on line.
The swelling has gone way, way down since the surgery, and I was lucky in that I also had very little bruising. That will continue to go down, and I'm told it should drop off significantly once the braces are off (the special surgical braces also go into your gums, and are therefore a foreign body.) The skin across my nose, lips and chin has been stretched out from the forward movement of the bones, and are still adjusting. I woke up with an acne moustache yesterday that I am less than thrilled about. And yes, my looks have definitely changed. I'm trying to hold out until the swelling and numbness are gone to completely get the finished look, but its hard. My nose has gotten wider (expected) and my chin is definitely more forward. I'll admit *I* feel a little more 'Planet of the Apes' than I'd like, but those who have seen me assure me I look fine. Like I said, waiting for the swelling to go down.
So yes, my days are filled with sleeping, drinking fliuds and 'eating'. Mostly sleeping though. Sleep filled with crazy technicolor dreams, and some vivid nightmares too. I sleep in the living room in my $15 recliner purchased especially for post surgical recovery (I have to sleep elevated.) Got my blankets and water bottles and remote and kleenex all close at hand. Have already polished off the entire two season set of 'Rome' as well as all of Season 3 of 'Weeds' to date (I have to watch things that aren't too funny or my face splits apart and I am in fierce pain.) Finally got my hands on a loaner laptop to entertain myself with as well (when I am not sleeping. Have I mentionned how much I sleep?)
I can kind of talk, although now that the bands are back in, I kind of don't bother. It was better without them, although I'd tire my jaw out quickly and make everything hurt. The braces also tended to rip up the inside of my lips pretty badly too, although I've since gotten dental wax to cover the sharp bits. It works pretty well, but pieces sometimes break/melt off while eating and then float around in my mouth, eluding capture. Then I start to imagine pieces of my skin have fallen off and are floating around in there and I get grossed out. Soup, anyone?
I'm also very happy to report that Mags appears to be taking all of this in great stride. She hasn't even so much as blinked since I've come home from the hospital, for which I am very grateful. We tried to prrepare her as best we could before the procedure, and it appears to have paid off. She is always very gentle around me, and constantly comes up to give me hugs and kisses. Mostly it makes her laugh to hear me try and talk. One of her new favorite games is to have me read so she can laugh when I stumble across the letter b,p,f,m,v or w. She even tried to take me into school so I could talk in front of the kids and she could show them how silly I sound. She eyeballed it oddly at first, but now Mags argues about who's turn it is to eat/drink out of the feeding syringe. That's my girl.
I've still got a very long road ahead of me. Frustration has already started to rear its head in a few ways: eating, tiring easily, adjusting to my new look, loneliness/boredom. I'm not a terribly patient patient. And hoping everything continues to go smoothly, it still may be a full year before I can completely open my mouth fully and chew normal foods again. But I'm trying to look at this as an oportunity for positive thinking, plus its *very* easy to be grateful every time I take a nice deep unrestricted breath.
So thanks to everyone for checking in and your warm wishes, and hopefully I'll be mumbling to you all again soon. :)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I Forgot to Mention
Tuesday afternoon was also the first time I saw my face. Looked up and saw myself in a mirror when I wasn't expecting one. Even after having seen many many photos of others post-op looks, it was still a shocker to see it on my face. Swollen, very chipmonk-y. Only really recognized my eyes. Incredibly startling, if not oddly fascinating.
Oh, and almost no bruising to speak of. Taking the arnica pre-surgery really did the trick.
Oh, and almost no bruising to speak of. Taking the arnica pre-surgery really did the trick.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday - ICU and a Public Room
My first night in the hospital went pretty well, all things considered. One nice thing about ICU is that its nice and quiet. Its a semi private room in a secluded (ish) part of the hospital. Gotta love that.
I didn't really sleep that well, but wasn't that surprised. Always someone coming in to test your 'vittles', as I liked to call them. Mostly I just can't sleep while sitting up, and that's pretty much what you're doing. Luckily Joj had also gotten the nurse to figure out how to lengthen the bed; between sliding down the mattress and just being tall, I literally had had my feet hanging off of the bed at one point when I first arrived in ICU. Any time I'd woken up I'd hit the morphine button, too. Always helped somewhat.
Tuesday morning they got rid of the catheter (which was good 'cause it felt really f***ing strange) and also the circulation socks so that I could start using the toilet by myself. Always a bit of a challenge, especally with all those wires, but already doable.) The nurse also showed me how to use the little suction wand, as I was soon off to a regular room and would not have a nurse all to myself (Dammit. And just when I'd gotten the knock-on-the-bedframe-for-help code all worked out with my nurse.) Its pretty much the same as the one you use in the dentists office during a normal cleaning, except that instead of for spit, this one is for the blood and mucous that is starting to drain down your throat and pooling in your mouth. All normal and all - your sinuses took a beating with the anasthesia and the cutting and all - but still pretty ewww. I also learned how to start rinsing my mouth out with a saline solution: squirt the solution into your mouth with the handy dandy syringe (soon to become my new best friend) whilst simultaneously sucking it out with the sucker. Very important to keep the mouth clean.
Husband was already at the hospital when it was time to be moved to my new room, so I have a witness! when I say it was like the equivalent of a slow-motion Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Seriously. The nurse, or attendant or whoever must've banged into at least 3 separate stationary objects on the way from point A to point B. He was very slow the whole way, but he could never seem to correct for the slight left pull the bed had. >BANG<>BANG<>BANG< style="font-style: italic;">All went well! he cried. It was a great success! You look beautiful! We got more movement than we hoped for! All very reassuring and helpful -- that is until he pulled out a shank of my hair from the top of my head whilst trying to remove that chin strap. Gaa! Much eye watering ensued.
I was also encouraged to start trying to take in fluids on my own with the syringe at this point, as well as getting up and going for small walks around the wing. Movement encourages circulation and will help you feel better! You need to stay very hydrated and get used to the syringe! So I did, and I did. Both things went very slowly, but were successful.
I was (hair loss aside) definitely more uncomfortable on Tuesday. Either the pain was going up, or more of the anasthesia had worked its way out of my system, but it was a bit harder that day. The self administered saline spray helped, but there was definitely congestion starting that hadn't been there Monday (again, normal.) Some post operative swelling had started in my throat as well. Not real fun. It didn't help that they were doing construction directly outside of my room either. Like hammering. Metal duct work. Power sanders. It was a bit ridiculous.
Bedtime came and I got fresh ice, rinsed out my mouth, hosed out my nose and sprayed in some antihistamine -- everything I could do to help ensure a good nights rest.
Boy, that was one of the worst nights of my life.
A comfortable position? Could not find it. Ice? Pokey as ever. Breathing? Ummm, I could barely do it. My throat swelled to what felt like nearly shut, and no matter how much I continued to spray saline up there, my nose was mostly blocked. This is not good as breathing through your mouth when it is banded shut and swollen to boot is not an option. My throat hurt so bad that I briefly believed they had actually gone ahead and pulled out my tonsils, it was such a localized pain. I woke up over and over all night long, never more than 15 minutes of sleep at a time. I cried all over my nurse in frustration and exhaustion. And to make matters even better?/ Worse? I finally got a new roommate -- at 1230 am. And then for 90 minutes there was nothing but a steady stream of nurses and machines and family members and light and you name it. And remember how they'd extended my bed because I was tall? Yeah, well, they retracted that quick enough once they had to start bringing in new person and new person equiptment -- and then they didn'y put it back! Insult to injury. I've never disliked a faceless person as much as I did that person.
I hated my IV that beepee annoyingly every time I bent my arm wrong, I hated having to schlep all the wires with me to the bathroom, I hated coughing up blood clots and having them get trapped in my mouth, I hated that my lips were completely dry -- I hated everything. I was exhausted, in pain, and wished I'd never done the surgery.
Next installment: Wednesday, and progress!
I didn't really sleep that well, but wasn't that surprised. Always someone coming in to test your 'vittles', as I liked to call them. Mostly I just can't sleep while sitting up, and that's pretty much what you're doing. Luckily Joj had also gotten the nurse to figure out how to lengthen the bed; between sliding down the mattress and just being tall, I literally had had my feet hanging off of the bed at one point when I first arrived in ICU. Any time I'd woken up I'd hit the morphine button, too. Always helped somewhat.
Tuesday morning they got rid of the catheter (which was good 'cause it felt really f***ing strange) and also the circulation socks so that I could start using the toilet by myself. Always a bit of a challenge, especally with all those wires, but already doable.) The nurse also showed me how to use the little suction wand, as I was soon off to a regular room and would not have a nurse all to myself (Dammit. And just when I'd gotten the knock-on-the-bedframe-for-help code all worked out with my nurse.) Its pretty much the same as the one you use in the dentists office during a normal cleaning, except that instead of for spit, this one is for the blood and mucous that is starting to drain down your throat and pooling in your mouth. All normal and all - your sinuses took a beating with the anasthesia and the cutting and all - but still pretty ewww. I also learned how to start rinsing my mouth out with a saline solution: squirt the solution into your mouth with the handy dandy syringe (soon to become my new best friend) whilst simultaneously sucking it out with the sucker. Very important to keep the mouth clean.
Husband was already at the hospital when it was time to be moved to my new room, so I have a witness! when I say it was like the equivalent of a slow-motion Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Seriously. The nurse, or attendant or whoever must've banged into at least 3 separate stationary objects on the way from point A to point B. He was very slow the whole way, but he could never seem to correct for the slight left pull the bed had. >BANG<>BANG<>BANG< style="font-style: italic;">All went well! he cried. It was a great success! You look beautiful! We got more movement than we hoped for! All very reassuring and helpful -- that is until he pulled out a shank of my hair from the top of my head whilst trying to remove that chin strap. Gaa! Much eye watering ensued.
I was also encouraged to start trying to take in fluids on my own with the syringe at this point, as well as getting up and going for small walks around the wing. Movement encourages circulation and will help you feel better! You need to stay very hydrated and get used to the syringe! So I did, and I did. Both things went very slowly, but were successful.
I was (hair loss aside) definitely more uncomfortable on Tuesday. Either the pain was going up, or more of the anasthesia had worked its way out of my system, but it was a bit harder that day. The self administered saline spray helped, but there was definitely congestion starting that hadn't been there Monday (again, normal.) Some post operative swelling had started in my throat as well. Not real fun. It didn't help that they were doing construction directly outside of my room either. Like hammering. Metal duct work. Power sanders. It was a bit ridiculous.
Bedtime came and I got fresh ice, rinsed out my mouth, hosed out my nose and sprayed in some antihistamine -- everything I could do to help ensure a good nights rest.
Boy, that was one of the worst nights of my life.
A comfortable position? Could not find it. Ice? Pokey as ever. Breathing? Ummm, I could barely do it. My throat swelled to what felt like nearly shut, and no matter how much I continued to spray saline up there, my nose was mostly blocked. This is not good as breathing through your mouth when it is banded shut and swollen to boot is not an option. My throat hurt so bad that I briefly believed they had actually gone ahead and pulled out my tonsils, it was such a localized pain. I woke up over and over all night long, never more than 15 minutes of sleep at a time. I cried all over my nurse in frustration and exhaustion. And to make matters even better?/ Worse? I finally got a new roommate -- at 1230 am. And then for 90 minutes there was nothing but a steady stream of nurses and machines and family members and light and you name it. And remember how they'd extended my bed because I was tall? Yeah, well, they retracted that quick enough once they had to start bringing in new person and new person equiptment -- and then they didn'y put it back! Insult to injury. I've never disliked a faceless person as much as I did that person.
I hated my IV that beepee annoyingly every time I bent my arm wrong, I hated having to schlep all the wires with me to the bathroom, I hated coughing up blood clots and having them get trapped in my mouth, I hated that my lips were completely dry -- I hated everything. I was exhausted, in pain, and wished I'd never done the surgery.
Next installment: Wednesday, and progress!
L'Hopital and ICU
Surgery was scheduled for 830 am Monday morning. Husband, Joj and I headed out two hours prior as instructed so as to adequately give ourselves plenty of time to hang out and do fuck-all at the hospital before surgery. I listened to my deep-breathing relaxation cd, letting my body slowly relax and get heavier the whole way there -- that is except for my right hand, which was busy brushing my teeth while we drove. Joj giggled.
I was surprisingly calm while waiting around and in prep. I had brought a fistful of sudokus to distract me (worked great for the pituitary surgery last year), but found I didn't need them. Partially I think it just helped knowing how pre-surgery would go at that same hospital, partially I think it helped that I'd gone to bed late the previous two nights, had gotten up very early that day and still had some Ambien in my system, and partially I KNOW it helped having folks there to distract me. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be there, but at least this time I didn't freeze in parallyzed fear, which was nice. Anyhow, we hung out, I got a sexy cotton gown and an IV, I did a little deep breathing, and soon it was time to go. I did start to freak out and tear up at that point - I was scared of what it'd be like when I woke up - but then nthe nice anastesiologist gave me some happy juice in my arm and suddenly going for a ride down the hall in the bed seemed fun. Whee! I remeber crawing onto the operating table, getting lined up the way they wanted me to be, and then someone turned the off switch.
I'm always a little - ok, a fucking *lot* scared of anasthesia as I've had some really hard times coming out of it in the past. But I *do* love how it makes 5 hours feel like its been compressed into a 15 minute nap. Anyhow, the surgery went off without any hitches; no fouls, no extra innings. I did have some nausea and was not thrilled about my bed being moved, but it wasn't terrible. I was super groggy. My head was strapped with a bunch of stuff, but I could sort of mumble out the occasional demand. I had an IV in each arm, and a catheter, and a button to self administer morphine (joy!), and those inflating circulation cuffs on my legs. I wasn't going anywhere.
Husband and Joj tag teamed me for about 30 minutes every 2 hours to make sure I was getting everything I needed. Mostly during this time I slept, or at least dozed. I was comfortable and the nurses were friendly and gentle and attentive, but Joj did fight the good fight for more blankets at one point. A true friend. Not surprisingly, Husband made friends with the woman keeping watch at the bed next to mine; her daughter had had the same surgery by the same surgeon immediately after mine. (I'd say small world, but really, it *was* the facial post op ICU.) More than anything I wanted him to shut up because I was trying to sleep, but I didn't have the energy. When he came back at 10pm with Brother-in-Law in tow, I *did* kick them out.
I could grunt things pretty quickly post surgery, although as expected it was very hard to understand me. Try talking with your jaw clenched. Now try it while pretending that your lower lip and chin don't exist. Its a challenge. Oh, that reminds me: immediately post surgery I had all feeling in my tongue and upper lip, but yes, the chin and lower lip might as well have been cut off for all the sensation they had. Dead numb. I had ice packs strapped to my face, which felt unusual, but you could already feel the pressure and swelling from the surgery and things being moved/stretched around. I also had a huge band that went under the chin/over the top of the head, so there was a lot going on on my head. I also used that morphine drip every 15 minutes. Didn't completely make the pain go away - nothing does - but brought it into tolerable levels, though.
The last thing I remember thinking as Husband and his brother left at 1010pm (other than, "Why did they think that was a good idea?") was how well I could breathe. Laying there, semi-reclined in the bed, I could just feel the air rushing down my throat. And this was breathing entirely through my nose! And when I swallowed - albeit very awkwardly - I didn't feel my throat touching anymore. It was truly amazing. I was exhausted, I couldn't get comfortable, the ice pack weighed about 20 lbs and the ice was poking me, I had no idea what I looked like and was frankly pretty scared of what the future would hold, but the fact that I could tell so readily and so quickly how much better my throat was was a huge boon, and I felt better over all for it.
I was surprisingly calm while waiting around and in prep. I had brought a fistful of sudokus to distract me (worked great for the pituitary surgery last year), but found I didn't need them. Partially I think it just helped knowing how pre-surgery would go at that same hospital, partially I think it helped that I'd gone to bed late the previous two nights, had gotten up very early that day and still had some Ambien in my system, and partially I KNOW it helped having folks there to distract me. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be there, but at least this time I didn't freeze in parallyzed fear, which was nice. Anyhow, we hung out, I got a sexy cotton gown and an IV, I did a little deep breathing, and soon it was time to go. I did start to freak out and tear up at that point - I was scared of what it'd be like when I woke up - but then nthe nice anastesiologist gave me some happy juice in my arm and suddenly going for a ride down the hall in the bed seemed fun. Whee! I remeber crawing onto the operating table, getting lined up the way they wanted me to be, and then someone turned the off switch.
I'm always a little - ok, a fucking *lot* scared of anasthesia as I've had some really hard times coming out of it in the past. But I *do* love how it makes 5 hours feel like its been compressed into a 15 minute nap. Anyhow, the surgery went off without any hitches; no fouls, no extra innings. I did have some nausea and was not thrilled about my bed being moved, but it wasn't terrible. I was super groggy. My head was strapped with a bunch of stuff, but I could sort of mumble out the occasional demand. I had an IV in each arm, and a catheter, and a button to self administer morphine (joy!), and those inflating circulation cuffs on my legs. I wasn't going anywhere.
Husband and Joj tag teamed me for about 30 minutes every 2 hours to make sure I was getting everything I needed. Mostly during this time I slept, or at least dozed. I was comfortable and the nurses were friendly and gentle and attentive, but Joj did fight the good fight for more blankets at one point. A true friend. Not surprisingly, Husband made friends with the woman keeping watch at the bed next to mine; her daughter had had the same surgery by the same surgeon immediately after mine. (I'd say small world, but really, it *was* the facial post op ICU.) More than anything I wanted him to shut up because I was trying to sleep, but I didn't have the energy. When he came back at 10pm with Brother-in-Law in tow, I *did* kick them out.
I could grunt things pretty quickly post surgery, although as expected it was very hard to understand me. Try talking with your jaw clenched. Now try it while pretending that your lower lip and chin don't exist. Its a challenge. Oh, that reminds me: immediately post surgery I had all feeling in my tongue and upper lip, but yes, the chin and lower lip might as well have been cut off for all the sensation they had. Dead numb. I had ice packs strapped to my face, which felt unusual, but you could already feel the pressure and swelling from the surgery and things being moved/stretched around. I also had a huge band that went under the chin/over the top of the head, so there was a lot going on on my head. I also used that morphine drip every 15 minutes. Didn't completely make the pain go away - nothing does - but brought it into tolerable levels, though.
The last thing I remember thinking as Husband and his brother left at 1010pm (other than, "Why did they think that was a good idea?") was how well I could breathe. Laying there, semi-reclined in the bed, I could just feel the air rushing down my throat. And this was breathing entirely through my nose! And when I swallowed - albeit very awkwardly - I didn't feel my throat touching anymore. It was truly amazing. I was exhausted, I couldn't get comfortable, the ice pack weighed about 20 lbs and the ice was poking me, I had no idea what I looked like and was frankly pretty scared of what the future would hold, but the fact that I could tell so readily and so quickly how much better my throat was was a huge boon, and I felt better over all for it.
Tap, Tap, Tap
Hello? Is this thing still on?
Yes, hooray, I made it back, and lest you be afeared that something went horribly wrong, I came back from the hospital right on schedule last Thursday. I've been unconscious most of the time since then, but I *have* been at home and things have been progressing pretty nicely, I think. I'm going to do my best to fill in the hospital stay and the last week here at home, but it might be a bit choppy here and there.
I'll do my best.
Yes, hooray, I made it back, and lest you be afeared that something went horribly wrong, I came back from the hospital right on schedule last Thursday. I've been unconscious most of the time since then, but I *have* been at home and things have been progressing pretty nicely, I think. I'm going to do my best to fill in the hospital stay and the last week here at home, but it might be a bit choppy here and there.
I'll do my best.
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