A Public Service Announcement

With all of my sitting around and recouperating time, I think I'm going to design a masscot and everything. "Only you can prevent constipation."

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Knock, knock, knock.

Now who could that be?

Knock, knock, knock.

Wait, are you kidding?

Knock, knock, knock.

Its finally here! I wasn't sure this day would ever come!

Knock, knock, knock.

Hang on, hang on, I'm running upstairs!

Knock, knock, knock.

Sitting! Here I go; I'm sitting!

Knock, knock, knock.

Ahhh! Finally! This is gonna make me feel so much better!

Knock, knock.

Ok, a little slow, maybe...

Knock.

Its cool, I'm patient...

(silence)

....patient...

(silence)

...patient...

(silence)

Husband, can you bring me some magazines?

(silence)

And a glass of water?

(silence)

And some stool softners?

(silence)

(30 minutes later) Ok, I'm losing feeling in my leg....

Knock.

Ooh! Ok, here we go!

(silence)

Nope, false alarm. dammit.

(silence)

(20 minutes later) There goes the other leg....

knock

Now?

(silence)

Goddammit.

(silence)

(90 minutes later) Well, ok. maybe now's not the time. Let's see if we can get a little movement the other way...

(silence)

Are you kidding me?!? You're just gonna sit there? I'm commited now? I can't even back out if I want to?!? Goddammit, I want to stand up! I'm getting gangrene in my feet from lack of blood flow!

(silence)

Gonna be that way about it, huh? Ok, I didn't want to have to do this...

(silence)

My god, I didn't even know you could *get* sideways in there! Did they slip me concrete mix at the hospital?

(silence)

Great, now I've given myself a bloody nose. If I blow out stitches in my face because of this, I'm going to be really irritated!

Knock

So you think maybe we can talk about this?

knock

....put my wallet under my tongue....

knock, knock

...flashing back to the birthing table....

knock, knock, knock

...I'm cukoo for Cocoa Puffs....

*pop*

(pant, pant) The ceiling...why am I looking at the ceiling...what day is it? (Stands up. Crumples.) Medic! I need a medic!