L'Hopital and ICU

Surgery was scheduled for 830 am Monday morning. Husband, Joj and I headed out two hours prior as instructed so as to adequately give ourselves plenty of time to hang out and do fuck-all at the hospital before surgery. I listened to my deep-breathing relaxation cd, letting my body slowly relax and get heavier the whole way there -- that is except for my right hand, which was busy brushing my teeth while we drove. Joj giggled.

I was surprisingly calm while waiting around and in prep. I had brought a fistful of sudokus to distract me (worked great for the pituitary surgery last year), but found I didn't need them. Partially I think it just helped knowing how pre-surgery would go at that same hospital, partially I think it helped that I'd gone to bed late the previous two nights, had gotten up very early that day and still had some Ambien in my system, and partially I KNOW it helped having folks there to distract me. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be there, but at least this time I didn't freeze in parallyzed fear, which was nice. Anyhow, we hung out, I got a sexy cotton gown and an IV, I did a little deep breathing, and soon it was time to go. I did start to freak out and tear up at that point - I was scared of what it'd be like when I woke up - but then nthe nice anastesiologist gave me some happy juice in my arm and suddenly going for a ride down the hall in the bed seemed fun. Whee! I remeber crawing onto the operating table, getting lined up the way they wanted me to be, and then someone turned the off switch.

I'm always a little - ok, a fucking *lot* scared of anasthesia as I've had some really hard times coming out of it in the past. But I *do* love how it makes 5 hours feel like its been compressed into a 15 minute nap. Anyhow, the surgery went off without any hitches; no fouls, no extra innings. I did have some nausea and was not thrilled about my bed being moved, but it wasn't terrible. I was super groggy. My head was strapped with a bunch of stuff, but I could sort of mumble out the occasional demand. I had an IV in each arm, and a catheter, and a button to self administer morphine (joy!), and those inflating circulation cuffs on my legs. I wasn't going anywhere.

Husband and Joj tag teamed me for about 30 minutes every 2 hours to make sure I was getting everything I needed. Mostly during this time I slept, or at least dozed. I was comfortable and the nurses were friendly and gentle and attentive, but Joj did fight the good fight for more blankets at one point. A true friend. Not surprisingly, Husband made friends with the woman keeping watch at the bed next to mine; her daughter had had the same surgery by the same surgeon immediately after mine. (I'd say small world, but really, it *was* the facial post op ICU.) More than anything I wanted him to shut up because I was trying to sleep, but I didn't have the energy. When he came back at 10pm with Brother-in-Law in tow, I *did* kick them out.

I could grunt things pretty quickly post surgery, although as expected it was very hard to understand me. Try talking with your jaw clenched. Now try it while pretending that your lower lip and chin don't exist. Its a challenge. Oh, that reminds me: immediately post surgery I had all feeling in my tongue and upper lip, but yes, the chin and lower lip might as well have been cut off for all the sensation they had. Dead numb. I had ice packs strapped to my face, which felt unusual, but you could already feel the pressure and swelling from the surgery and things being moved/stretched around. I also had a huge band that went under the chin/over the top of the head, so there was a lot going on on my head. I also used that morphine drip every 15 minutes. Didn't completely make the pain go away - nothing does - but brought it into tolerable levels, though.

The last thing I remember thinking as Husband and his brother left at 1010pm (other than, "Why did they think that was a good idea?") was how well I could breathe. Laying there, semi-reclined in the bed, I could just feel the air rushing down my throat. And this was breathing entirely through my nose! And when I swallowed - albeit very awkwardly - I didn't feel my throat touching anymore. It was truly amazing. I was exhausted, I couldn't get comfortable, the ice pack weighed about 20 lbs and the ice was poking me, I had no idea what I looked like and was frankly pretty scared of what the future would hold, but the fact that I could tell so readily and so quickly how much better my throat was was a huge boon, and I felt better over all for it.