Oh Hell, Who am I Kidding?

Really, I'm not going to be able to adequately to re-live every minute from the surgery onward. I truly didn't think I'd sleep as much as I have, plus I thought I'd have a laptop much sooner than I did. Sadly, that translates into some details being lost. But I don't want to totally give up, so here's what I'm gonna do: yesterday I sent out an update to some friends and family, and I'm gonna paste that in here for now. Then, I'll try and and actually make real time posts from here on out, and all will not be lost. Ta daa! I'm smart....sometimes.

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Thanks to everyone who has checked in with me recently to see how I am faring. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by how much I have been sleeping post surgery, and I'm not complaining, but I just can't seem to stay awake for any length of time, and have fallen behind on my updates.

Overall, things are going very smoothly here. I left the hospital right on schedule Thursday morning following the surgery. I'd had a brief bout with a fever and some bad congestion/crazy sore throat in the hospital, but other than that, all went well. The surgeons called the whole thing a success. My jaw got moved 12mm, which is a bit more than they were expecting. By the night of the surgery I could already tell how much easier it was to breathe. And I must say I'm a little irritated that all of you readers have been keeping this secret for so long. *That's* what its like to breathe easily? Sign me up.

Max's mom came out for the first week following surgery, and she was wildly helpful (as have been my friends Jo and Eric and Max himself.) As I'm on a liquid diet (le sigh,) we tried many new soup recipes in our fancy new blender. I have to eat either through a special medical syringe or these odd little feed bags with straws built in. At best I can only open my mouth about 1/4", and just this past Thursday the doctors had to put the (rubber) bands back on my braces, so even that is gone. At least I got to shove some of Mags' halloween M&Ms in there before they banded me back shut (they really *do* melt in your mouth!) The all liquid diet is starting to get old for sure. Have already tried blenderizing pizza (so far unsuccessful) and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (not terrible, but a nighmare to clean out of my mouth.) Thanksgiving will truly be an interesting exercise in blender cuisine - I'm getting pumpkin pie even if it ends up being intravenously!

The pain has really gone down, which I am of course grateful for. I was sent home with a bottle of Oxycontin which got pretty heavy use initially, but that's down to only once or twice a day now. Mostly the sensation I have is a throbbing ache in my jaw that the meds don't do a ton for. There's a tight sensation across my teeth from the braces as well. My heart goes out to folks who have to wear them for any extended period of time. Mine should come off in about a month (outpatient surgery.)

Immediatelly following the surgery I could feel my tongue and upper lip, but my lower lip and chin are still completely without feeling. The hope is that I will eventually regain all of that, but no guarantees. Let's just say I drool a lot and often walk around with lunch still on my face. Recently I've started to get odd shooting sensations across my chin, which signal the nerves are starting to come back on line. Its not exactly painful, but it is distracting and definitely holds your attention. I will be trying some acupuncture to try and get those nerves back on line.

The swelling has gone way, way down since the surgery, and I was lucky in that I also had very little bruising. That will continue to go down, and I'm told it should drop off significantly once the braces are off (the special surgical braces also go into your gums, and are therefore a foreign body.) The skin across my nose, lips and chin has been stretched out from the forward movement of the bones, and are still adjusting. I woke up with an acne moustache yesterday that I am less than thrilled about. And yes, my looks have definitely changed. I'm trying to hold out until the swelling and numbness are gone to completely get the finished look, but its hard. My nose has gotten wider (expected) and my chin is definitely more forward. I'll admit *I* feel a little more 'Planet of the Apes' than I'd like, but those who have seen me assure me I look fine. Like I said, waiting for the swelling to go down.

So yes, my days are filled with sleeping, drinking fliuds and 'eating'. Mostly sleeping though. Sleep filled with crazy technicolor dreams, and some vivid nightmares too. I sleep in the living room in my $15 recliner purchased especially for post surgical recovery (I have to sleep elevated.) Got my blankets and water bottles and remote and kleenex all close at hand. Have already polished off the entire two season set of 'Rome' as well as all of Season 3 of 'Weeds' to date (I have to watch things that aren't too funny or my face splits apart and I am in fierce pain.) Finally got my hands on a loaner laptop to entertain myself with as well (when I am not sleeping. Have I mentionned how much I sleep?)

I can kind of talk, although now that the bands are back in, I kind of don't bother. It was better without them, although I'd tire my jaw out quickly and make everything hurt. The braces also tended to rip up the inside of my lips pretty badly too, although I've since gotten dental wax to cover the sharp bits. It works pretty well, but pieces sometimes break/melt off while eating and then float around in my mouth, eluding capture. Then I start to imagine pieces of my skin have fallen off and are floating around in there and I get grossed out. Soup, anyone?

I'm also very happy to report that Mags appears to be taking all of this in great stride. She hasn't even so much as blinked since I've come home from the hospital, for which I am very grateful. We tried to prrepare her as best we could before the procedure, and it appears to have paid off. She is always very gentle around me, and constantly comes up to give me hugs and kisses. Mostly it makes her laugh to hear me try and talk. One of her new favorite games is to have me read so she can laugh when I stumble across the letter b,p,f,m,v or w. She even tried to take me into school so I could talk in front of the kids and she could show them how silly I sound. She eyeballed it oddly at first, but now Mags argues about who's turn it is to eat/drink out of the feeding syringe. That's my girl.

I've still got a very long road ahead of me. Frustration has already started to rear its head in a few ways: eating, tiring easily, adjusting to my new look, loneliness/boredom. I'm not a terribly patient patient. And hoping everything continues to go smoothly, it still may be a full year before I can completely open my mouth fully and chew normal foods again. But I'm trying to look at this as an oportunity for positive thinking, plus its *very* easy to be grateful every time I take a nice deep unrestricted breath.

So thanks to everyone for checking in and your warm wishes, and hopefully I'll be mumbling to you all again soon. :)