Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Was it Worth it?

If you're reading this blog, its with a high chance that you are either going through recovery from a similar surgery or considering putting yourself under the knife. I'm sure this is not the first blog you've read - if you're anything like me, that is, and need to have enough information as possible before you make any decisions. So I'm sure you've stumbled across the declaration "It was worth it!" many a time.

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon with this one: It *was* worth it.

Has it been easy? Hell, no! Has it SUCKED BALLS more than once? Hell yes! Were there times when I *did* regret doing it? Definitely. Was I/am I still kind of angry with fate that I had to go through it? You betcha. Is it lots of fun having your appearance change? No, I can't really say it is.


I know I still have much more healing to go through, as well as more frustrations, and probably a few more crying jags to boot. But after only a month, I can sleep fully reclined in a bed. I can sleep without having to be propped up on pillows (which I was doing even before the surgery.) I do still wake up tired, but nothing like I used to. I dont have to go to sleep at 9pm anymore because I just can't stay awake. I don't have to take a 3 hour nap at 2 in the afternoon because otherwise I will be useless all day. I don't wake up with the CPAP hose wrapped around my neck anymore. I don't have to go through the ritual of medications and setting up the machine, and taping my mouth shut, and being woken up in the middle of the night by leaky masks. I may not be 100% fixed, but there's a freedom there that I didn't have before. At the very least, I feel less broken than everyone else just having to use that damned machine.

Husband came up to me the other morning. "I couldn't hear you breathing," he said. "I sat up in bed and actually leaned over because even before the CPAP, your breath always struggled. Now I could barely hear it!"

Was it worth it? A thousand times yes -- with the small exceptions where I am PMSing, of course.

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