Sunday, November 16, 2008

Not All Rainbows and Flowers

The Monday following my surgery, I went to the doctor's office for a follow up and x-rays, and nearly passed out. I kind of crumpled to a chair in the waiting room and had to be escorted back into the office where nurses and doctors fluttered nearby and took my blood pressure. Fairly low. Apparently I'd gotten pretty dehydrated. 20 minutes in the reclining chair and two bottles of water later I was feeling better, if not slightly weak. Have been truing to stay on top of it since then.

Today I felt unsteady bending over to look at a plant in the garden, and then I got light-headed from blowing my nose. Not good. Pretty certain that means I'm good and dehydrated again. Might not be getting enough calories either. Goddamn it.

This whole surgery has been a real eye-opener into taking things for granted. Like eating and drinking. It really is a fair amount of work to stay on top of your dietary intake needs with your mouth banded shut/broken/whatever you want to call it. No really -- its work. What do we have to eat that I can actually consume? Is it liquid-y enough to go through a straw? Too hot? Too cold? Have you added the fiber? How about the protein powder? Liquid vitamins? Where are the special bags? Are all the baby spoons in the dishwasher? Crap, I'm spilling all over myself! Boy, am I tired of eating this! My jaw is aching from trying to work with the spoon. What do you mean, I'm still wearing breakfast on my face? Man, my stomach has totally shrunk; I get full so quickly.

I started this whole procedure carrying extra weight. So admittedly, losing a few pounds on the restrictive diet was not a bad thing for me. Plus, I am aware of how important nutrition is, especially when recovering from a major medical procedure, as well as the dangers of crash dieting in general. Believe me when I say I am honestly trying to do right by my body here. But I have spent the last several years battling the bulge and trying to change my eating habits, so this constant grazing for calories and 'add butter or oil for calories!' advice really goes against everything I've been trying to rewire. The nonstop eating makes me feel kind of, well...guilty!


Having kind of a crappy day, as you can tell. Tired. Sick. Worn down. Frustrated. Meh.

1 comment:

zombiegrrrl said...

Are you drinking those Ensure things? Those are supposed to help with nutrition, no? Hope you find a good balance between calorie intake and something you actually want to consume. I hear donuts blend up well. :) Smooooch!